On your bike Mr Prostate, you’re outta here

A chap’s gotta do, what a chap’s gotta do! That’s what I told Mr Prostate, while I sat in the waiting room at the John Flynn Hospital. After nearly six years of good time, we decided to go our separate ways. Unfortunately, Mr Prostate had established an extra-marital relationship with a third party, Mr Cancer, and I was supporting both their lifestyles!

When my whistle-blowing PSA suspected these behind-the-scenes antics, my GP recommended Dr Charles Chabert as the best judge, jury and executioner of such affiliations. We rang his rooms at the hospital, when we were greeted by the first of his two very dedicated Santa helpers, Donna. A quick appointment was made for a biopsy, to have a peek through the back door, with the intention of catching these two in the cot and to see how far their bond had developed.

As suspected, Mr Gleason, one of Charles’ deputies, had decided the two moonlighters had gone too far and were basically inseparable! Another appointment was made to gate crash the love nest and send Mr P. and C. on their merry way.

Dr Chabert specialises in keyhole and nerve saving surgery, which basically allows a quick recovery so a chap can get back to work quicker (good one, Doc!) and in the second case, an opportunity to continue ones sexual endeavours and/or fantasies!

Dave is a man’s man, lives down the road at Bangalow and was in charge of my pre-op exercises. He was full of good advice too! He stated, “You better tell Freddy Frankfurt to pack a few things as he’ll be on long service leave for a couple of months.”

Another one of Charles’ deputies, Mr Catheter, wasn’t required to waste much time looking after the water works and I was surprised how accommodating Catho was! (As you can see, we were even on first-name terms!) Charles’ second helper, Sharon, was very kind and thoughtful, even though I’m sure she said, prior to removing the Catheter, “Pucker up sailor, this is going to hurt me more than you.”

I know every patient is different, but with Dr Charles at the helm, I have had a very good recovery, with only one night in hospital, no incontinence, no pain killers required, virtually no bleeding and at the ten week mark, scarring almost gone. Even Mr Droopy has been sitting up and having a look around!

As I said to Donna two weeks before the divorce, “Mr Droopy feels a bit hard done by, but the rest of the body doesn’t know what all the fuss was about!”

Gerry